There is no doubt that it sucks when you’re focused on and expecting a certain outcome and something completely unexpected happens. You don’t get what you want the way you wanted it. We all deal with disappointment at sometime or another. The way to deal with it is to change your perspective and shift your focus. Chances are that if you’re dealing with disappointment and you can’t shake it, you’re hyper-focusing on what you don’t want or what didn’t go your way and you’re missing the bigger picture. There is probably also a lesson or a growth opportunity in there for you. Pay closer attention. Do you need to slow down? Do you need to be more conscious? Do you need to be more connected? etc. There is a reason for everything and everything happens as it is supposed to…although, it is not up to you and you may not know or like what it is. You may not understand it either and that is ok. Even though you cannot control it, you can have influence over it. You get more of what you focus on and when you change your perspective and allow for different possibilities, you’ll likely find that you’re feeling better about the situation. For instance, if you suffer from anxiety and focus on wanting to feel less anxious, you are still going to feel anxious because you continue to focus on anxiety. Shift your focus by asking yourself what you DO want? In this instance, you probably want calm or peace -that is where you need to shift your focus. How do you do that (especially when you are anxious)? Determine what calm and peace feels like for you and if you’re not sure, research what it is like for others and apply what fits for you. You might have to try a few different things…be patient. This is growth and it takes time. Then, make time and space to develop a sense of it – notice the other emotions that go with it, and how it feels to be in your body when you’re experiencing it. Be in the moment and feel it. Notice it. Goals are achievable only when you have them. So, if you know how you want to feel (calm), you can get there much easier than when you don’t have any idea. Just getting or running away from an uncomfortable feeling, like anxiety, is not going to give you then same result as feeling calm and peaceful.
The most important part of this to remember is that it is a process and takes time. You are growing and doing something different – not so easy for our brains. The more you nurture yourself along the way and the more patient you are with yourself the better. You may not get it the first or second time, just keep practicing- your mind is strong, but eventually it will follow. We’re designed to reach health and wholeness. Your understanding is changing, so it makes sense if your mind is a bit hesitant, especially in the beginning. The more you practice, over time, the more natural it will come to you and the easier it will get.
I speak from experience. There was a period time when I didn’t know what calm felt like and I had to build it. I had to create it. I had to practice it. I think I drove my therapist a little crazy, throughout the process, because I fought and fought against it. I didn’t think the shift was going to serve me. At the time, I was more comfortable with what was familiar. Also, I was convinced that anxiety and panic kept me safe and if it went away, I wouldn’t be safe. That was the story I created. I was wrong. I finally get it. I now know what I want and I know how to shift my focus when I need to. I also know how to identify when I need to make the shift, which was one of the hardest parts of the process. The hypervigilant mind doesn’t necessarily need more awareness, just different awareness. I’m much happier, as a result, and having the experience of shifting my focus and developing my own tools allows me to teach and guide my clients in a way that feels more connected, at least from my perspective. Perhaps, that was the bigger lesson for me, that I didn’t initially see. The discomfort that I went through (and sometimes still pops up) serves me in my career in helping and connecting with others.